1. |
save facer
03:41
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After every scary feeling washes over you
Do you just feel ashamed like your father before you?
It's all a wasteland out there, I swear
Just look at the swine that beat without a care
I'm breathing like a ghost I wish inaction
Wasn't painful
It's like a movie the way it plays out in your eyes
Is this all how you really feel?
Godspeed, you're bound to break
He slept in his bed for a year until
She saw her face
I swore I wouldn't cry just to save face
This whole time were you just afraid of the taste?
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2. |
My Eyes (Reached)
03:14
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I'm kinda scared of you
Even though I would like to
I'm not the only person I can't talk to yet
I'm speedrunning life now
Watch me distend my face now
And all those films that I watched way too young
Leave themselves on me
And all lost years filled with a sense a dread
And way too vivid dreams
Nothings ok now
I feel my eyes now
Benziodiazepene dreams
Chased with fear clouds
Every tether to my home
I'm still dead and
This feelings almost like
It never ends and
God is feeling that I'll never reach and
Calm is a place that I could've reached but
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3. |
I Will Die
02:38
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I will die waiting for you
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4. |
Old Beach
03:15
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I'm just waiting for another history
To take my place
To take my face
To take another piece of me
I don't need (I don't need it at all)
Screaming vicariously through
The music she listens to
You're talking way too loud again
Hold me and
Dont let go even if I squirm
It's not you, I swear to god
Please don't leave
Trap me
In your car like
Every breath outside
Is wasted
You're not hope
You're brief release from
Every little thing
I hate I wish I was I can't be escape or seek
Externally
Did you see where I messed up?
Does that make you think I'm waiting to be
Just like the rocks on the old beach
Are just waiting for their own turn to be
They call out for someone else to
Mold them into something
But waves always come at night
Wash castles back into the sea
Hold me there's
Static in the music box I love
And not enough of
Your old songs
Don't leave I'm
Terrified of every single thought
Or breath I think
Might signify release
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5. |
Clawing (Umbilical)
03:30
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Umbilical cord
Wrapped around his neck
Struggles to breath
Until he finds
The words for something new
And I'm done
She said at 16 years old
I'm ready to leave
This House for good
I'm wasting away
I was born a stillbirth
And now I'm trapped in my own skin
I'm clawing at something
To hold me in place
I'll never see peace
At all
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6. |
Home is a Snare
02:50
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This House is haunted
By your presence
And I can't live here anymore
But I'm
Almost gone now
Why am I so unenthused?
I'm not sure I've even lived
And your brief release of anger
To the tune of no surprises
Left the crowd enamored
But not you any stronger
This is not for you
It was never for you
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7. |
mirrors in fiction
11:16
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I had a dream about you last night
Where we kissed and you freaked out
And i felt bad
Panicking on Monday, why'd i miss all of this
I can't say
I can't believe
I can't say it
Can you believe it?
Can you say it?
Cryptic texts in the form of triplets
I'm fucking scared all the time
I'm such a coward
I don't know if i love me anymore
Anymore
I lied but I'm guessing you already knew
"All of my songs are about Albert Camus"
What does the world look like in 10 years
If I was a seer, I'd still be right here
The proxemics of the space we occupy
I can't live without another fuck oh god
Are you vindictive
Am i intrusive
I don't know if this is wanting
Or another nothing
I'm infantile
The only thing I ever wanted was nothing at all
A sober retrospective
With an unflattering me
Another "i wish i could say
Anything i wish i could say"
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8. |
Eliot
11:40
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Mosquito eggs
In the water you left out
Yesterday
A hollow mess
I told you I didn't
Even want that anyways
And now I'm tired
My god I'm so tired
And Eliot told me he's too tired
Eliot said he's too tired
Last night I fell asleep at 7
After crying myself to death
Almost didn't wake up
Almost slowed myself down to a stop
Woke up at 1 wrote a letter to my mom
And screamed every word out loud
Like a begging her
Just to know
I said I'm not so sure these photographs
Are mine and even though
Eliot has been here for some time I still
Feel a slight discomfort in my chest
Cacophony
Polyphonic screams
I was dead before I was born
Now look at me
My hollowness follows
Everything I do
I wait for my cue
I know he's still there
Hollow man justify your
Ending of sorts
It's such an ugly word
It's a wasteland
I feel my body
I was born dead
But he still moved
And now it's so hard
To live after you
An overwhelming dread
Now I have no clue
And I live in your bed
I swear I saw a shadow move
Every thought I have
Drips with hurt
I dream of cellulose forevers
We fear the moon's approach
Like it changes how
Stagnation creeps into our homes
Screaming begging filtered cries
And please don't bury me, Ted Kaczynski style
Because a burial just ain't for me
I convinced myself you'd find my body
In Sequoia national park
I convinced myself you'd never find
My body at all
And bodies are cruel
I shout to you
At 5 am we yell
And twilight will extend itself
When reality's like hell
But sometimes day seems
Almost fine I think it calls a stay
But sometimes day seems almost fine
we yell from far away
Eliot said he's tired
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9. |
Chartreuse
03:19
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I'm sorry that I don't sing too good
I'm sorry that we're not already fucked
I'm sorry that you'll see me in your sleep
I'm sorry that silence is deafening
If you wanted anything at all
I'd give it to you I could fall
Harder than a drum
Lips in front of tongue tonight
I could almost taste the alcohol
Panicking slightly at the mall
Like a made up gun
Tonight I hope you love me still
There is a wind blowing
You hear it whisper
Futures it will follow you to
The gentle breeze wraps itself around you
And listens to each breath
It sings a quiet song
And alien as is it is to you
You know its verses
Its form against yours
The wind asks,
"Can we stay like this forever?"
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10. |
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For the longest time
When you closed your eyes
And thought about the future
You weren't there
A death 18 years in the making
Oblivion is the response
But you found a god
And it's a calm like her name in your mouth
Like a song you wish
You'd heard before
And it goes
Hey,
I want to live there with you
Hey,
I want to live with you
Haunted by every single future
Your gentleness keeps me tethered
I remember why I need those things
(And we fight cause we have to)
Every little
I miss you miss you miss all the
Ones we leave when we become us
Now we'll stay here
We'll live out the year
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11. |
fieldrec.+(11)
03:14
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